What kind of bologna is this?!" cried the officer. He flipped page after page, seeing basically an exact replica of the Burn Book from Swan Girls.
"Oh, officer! That mean, mean man over there wrote this book, I saw him do it!" Ron Swanson wailed, rolling himself onto the officer's desk and pointing at Swan "The Swan" Swanson. The officer guffawed at the sight and pushed Ron Swanson off his desk. "You're swansane!" swanned the officer. "Swan "The Swan" Swanson isn't the culprit! He's been by my side ever since we got married last June!"
Ron Swanson fell to the floor. "Swan "The Swan" Swanson is a swansexual? This so going ton my blog," Ron Swanson swanned. "Yeah, yeah," grunted the officer as he swancuffed Ron Swanson. "You're going in the swanhouse for now.."
Monday, October 31, 2016
Friday, October 28, 2016
We Don't Learn Math In Math Class 3
Ron Swanson was swanning around on his swan while swanning the swanning of swan. Ron Swanson wanted to sue someone. But who to sue? Sure, here in 2016 people will sue each other for almost anything. But what would Ron Swanson sue for? This swan was swannier than me? That swan swanned? No. He'll lose before the case before the judge even swan it!
Sighing, Ron Swanson looked through his Swan school yearbook. He originally swanned for it to be a swan hit list for when he was a senior swan so he would be the oldest living swan of his year. Now, of course, manslaughter is illegal, and I am currently questioning my sanity, but who cares?! This is We Don't Learn Math In Math Class!
In defeat, Ron Swanson swanned over to the fridge and swanned out a carton of Swanny Road ice cream. He sat in front of his small television, ready to Netflix and Chill. Ron put on his favorite swan, Mean Swans.
"That's it! The Swan Book! I'll pull a Regina Swan on the first person I see and sue them! This is best idea I've ever swanned!" Ron Swanson swanned swannily.
Ron Swanson got to work, writing a bunch of swan stuff about all the characters from Swan Girls and, of course, himself. Ron knew just who to blame. Swan "The Swan" Swanson. He had a better beak than Ron Swanson.
Ron Swanson finally finished and hopped into his Swan car. He speedily drove over to the police station and rushed right in. Ron Swanson threw himself onto the desk, book in hand, and wailed, "Oh, you wouldn't believe what horrid stuff was written about me in this!"
The police officer gave Ron Swanson a wary look and slowly opened the book..
Sighing, Ron Swanson looked through his Swan school yearbook. He originally swanned for it to be a swan hit list for when he was a senior swan so he would be the oldest living swan of his year. Now, of course, manslaughter is illegal, and I am currently questioning my sanity, but who cares?! This is We Don't Learn Math In Math Class!
In defeat, Ron Swanson swanned over to the fridge and swanned out a carton of Swanny Road ice cream. He sat in front of his small television, ready to Netflix and Chill. Ron put on his favorite swan, Mean Swans.
"That's it! The Swan Book! I'll pull a Regina Swan on the first person I see and sue them! This is best idea I've ever swanned!" Ron Swanson swanned swannily.
Ron Swanson got to work, writing a bunch of swan stuff about all the characters from Swan Girls and, of course, himself. Ron knew just who to blame. Swan "The Swan" Swanson. He had a better beak than Ron Swanson.
Ron Swanson finally finished and hopped into his Swan car. He speedily drove over to the police station and rushed right in. Ron Swanson threw himself onto the desk, book in hand, and wailed, "Oh, you wouldn't believe what horrid stuff was written about me in this!"
The police officer gave Ron Swanson a wary look and slowly opened the book..
To Be Continued
Mestions Not Questions
Do blobfish love?
What is a blobfish's favorite food?
Do blobfish have feelings?
Are blobfish loyal?
Do blobfish ever file divorces?
Do blobfish know how to dance?
Do blobfish ever wish they had a mustache?
These are the questions I asked my doctor to stall him from giving me my flu shot.
But now, I'm curious..
Saturday, October 22, 2016
Mitches Not Stitches
A very lovely teacher of mine had us write a mini auto-biography. In mine, she commented that I should expand on why "Stitches" by Shawn Mendes is such an important song to me. Yes, believe it or not, I, Melissa, the scene queen emo thing, loves Shawn Mendes.
Before you go and make assumptions, the meaning of the song has nothing to do with it's importance with me. I did not have a boyfriend that left me and made me so heartbroken I related to a song. Now, I'm about to get really deep, and possibly triggering
Before you go and make assumptions, the meaning of the song has nothing to do with it's importance with me. I did not have a boyfriend that left me and made me so heartbroken I related to a song. Now, I'm about to get really deep, and possibly triggering
Triggering Content Up Ahead
I have depression and anorexia. I am comfortable talking about this and almost show it with pride to show how far I've come. Well, on November 20, 2015 I was hospitalized into a mental hospital. Yes, ha-ha, I'm insane. I would prefer to not have a repeat of those rumors going around. Anyway, I was there for my suicidal tendencies and refusal to eat. My entire stay I ate next to nothing and constantly had suicidal thoughts. You're probably wondering how Stitches got jumbled up into this mess.
During that time Stitches was on the radio a lot. I sang along every time and loved that song to death. While I was on my way to be evaluated the last song I heard was Stitches. It was stuck in my head. And during each grueling moment of therapy and coaxing me to eat that song never left my head. It never went away. I think it was also destiny that this song came into my life because when I was discharged on November 26, 2015 the first song that came on was Stitches.
I don't know what it is about the song, but whenever I hear I can't help but feel stronger. Stitches has made a big impact about my life, and I am thankful for it.
I don't know what it is about the song, but whenever I hear I can't help but feel stronger. Stitches has made a big impact about my life, and I am thankful for it.
Monday, October 17, 2016
We Don't Learn Math In Math Class 2
Welcome back to another episode of We Don't Learn Math In Math Class! We left off with Ron Swanson being a lonely bum because he can't get a girlfriend.
Ron Swanson could be seen swanning around is his small abode. Ron Swanson wasn't a happy swan. No one has commented on his Swander profile! He had a revealing profile pic and everything,let's just say his tail feathers are quite.. winky face. Why did no swan want to love him? He was a good swan. Well, most of the time.
In an act of defeat Ron Swanson checked his profile one last time. Gasp! What's this? A lady swan has replied to his Swander profile! She wants to go swanning at 7! Ron checked the clock, realizing he only had 30 minutes, he raced to get ready.
Ron Swanson was perched on the riverbed, waiting for swanny date. She arrived and Ron took a good look at her.She was just the average swan. A real plain Jane of the swan world.
"Well, hello. I'm Ron Swanson," Ron Swanson said gruffly. His date looked him in the eye and said monotonously, "I am Kitty Swan. The pleasure is all mine." An awkward silence filled the air. Neither swan knew what to say. Thankfully, a waiter came and placed their orders. Ron Swanson ordered a pot roast and Kitty Swan ordered asparagus. Just asparagus. Ron, what even is your love life anymore? A swan who orders just asparagus? This is sad, Ron, even for you.
Another painfully awkward silence filled the air. Come on, Ron! Your dating game is weak! I bet you my dead grandpa can run around the 3 times before you could ever get a girlfriend! Anyhow, their food arrived. They both ate in silence, but Ron decided their vow of silence was no longer! "Did you know that asparagus makes your urine smell?"
Kitty Swan looked him dead in the eye as she stood up, "Listen, I accidentally swiped right on you, so seeing how you probably haven't gone on a date in, like, 60 years I figured I'd be a nice person for once." Ron could feel his heart shatter in two. He knew from the moment he saw her that they were soulmates! "Oh, and one last thing," Kitty Swan slipped out of her swan costume t reveal her feline sef. "I'm a cat."
With that said she scampered away into the night as Ron Swanson watched The Swan is Right and ate Swanilla ice cream. Pssh, loser.
Ron Swanson could be seen swanning around is his small abode. Ron Swanson wasn't a happy swan. No one has commented on his Swander profile! He had a revealing profile pic and everything,
In an act of defeat Ron Swanson checked his profile one last time. Gasp! What's this? A lady swan has replied to his Swander profile! She wants to go swanning at 7! Ron checked the clock, realizing he only had 30 minutes, he raced to get ready.
Ron Swanson was perched on the riverbed, waiting for swanny date. She arrived and Ron took a good look at her.She was just the average swan. A real plain Jane of the swan world.
"Well, hello. I'm Ron Swanson," Ron Swanson said gruffly. His date looked him in the eye and said monotonously, "I am Kitty Swan. The pleasure is all mine." An awkward silence filled the air. Neither swan knew what to say. Thankfully, a waiter came and placed their orders. Ron Swanson ordered a pot roast and Kitty Swan ordered asparagus. Just asparagus. Ron, what even is your love life anymore? A swan who orders just asparagus? This is sad, Ron, even for you.
Another painfully awkward silence filled the air. Come on, Ron! Your dating game is weak! I bet you my dead grandpa can run around the 3 times before you could ever get a girlfriend! Anyhow, their food arrived. They both ate in silence, but Ron decided their vow of silence was no longer! "Did you know that asparagus makes your urine smell?"
Kitty Swan looked him dead in the eye as she stood up, "Listen, I accidentally swiped right on you, so seeing how you probably haven't gone on a date in, like, 60 years I figured I'd be a nice person for once." Ron could feel his heart shatter in two. He knew from the moment he saw her that they were soulmates! "Oh, and one last thing," Kitty Swan slipped out of her swan costume t reveal her feline sef. "I'm a cat."
With that said she scampered away into the night as Ron Swanson watched The Swan is Right and ate Swanilla ice cream. Pssh, loser.
Happy Mirthday Not Birthday to Me!
There is nothing important nor significant about my blog post. I just felt like telling everyone that my birthday was the other day (10/16). Fun fact! I have the same birthday as my sister, wow, shocker, and my dad! That's all, have a good day!
Mittle Melissa Not Little Melissa
My favorite memory from when I was a child was how my very own sister forgot my name. Up until we were about five my dear, dear thithter (Don't mind that, just some little sister fun consisting of me making fun of my sister's newfound lisp due to her retainer) called me Sissy.
While we were in preschool, "Melissa" was a name unknown to Zoey. She heard everyone call me it. She saw me right it down. There a million obvious signs that my name was Melissa. Yet somehow, Zoey did not know tat I was named Melissa.
She called me Sissy because I am her sister. Whenever someone else called me "Sissy" Zoey blew up at them. Only Zoey could call me Sissy, anyone else was due for a death by toddler.
This was my favorite memory because to me, it's like a little inside joke between me and Zoey. It was our thing and no one else's. No one could break this bond between us. I hope we never, ever drift apart, but if we ever do we will always have Sissy. That is something we'll forever hold.
While we were in preschool, "Melissa" was a name unknown to Zoey. She heard everyone call me it. She saw me right it down. There a million obvious signs that my name was Melissa. Yet somehow, Zoey did not know tat I was named Melissa.
She called me Sissy because I am her sister. Whenever someone else called me "Sissy" Zoey blew up at them. Only Zoey could call me Sissy, anyone else was due for a death by toddler.
This was my favorite memory because to me, it's like a little inside joke between me and Zoey. It was our thing and no one else's. No one could break this bond between us. I hope we never, ever drift apart, but if we ever do we will always have Sissy. That is something we'll forever hold.
A Poem for My Blog Buddy, Sumar
Blog Buddy,
Oh, Blog Buddy.
Where are thou Blog Buddy?
Ahem, now let me translate to 2016 talk
AYE YO BLOG BUDDY,
IS YOU DEAD?
**Yes, I am ashamed of this post and this century.**
Oh, Blog Buddy.
Where are thou Blog Buddy?
Ahem, now let me translate to 2016 talk
AYE YO BLOG BUDDY,
IS YOU DEAD?
**Yes, I am ashamed of this post and this century.**
Thursday, October 6, 2016
We Don't Learn Math In Math Class
Ron Swanson with his swan beak could be seen watching The Swan is Right while making a Swander account. Ron Swanson was a very lonely swan. He swanned his days making accounts on Swander, Swan.com, Swan People Meet, Swan Mingle, and so on. Ron Swanson just wanted another swan to swan with. Why, oh, why. Poor Ron Swanson with his swan beak, watching The Swan is Right, and making a Swander profile.
With a big, swan breath, Ron Swanson stood up and said, "What the swan are do you guys do in math class?! You're supposed to be swanning numbers, not talking about Swans!"
With a big, swan breath, Ron Swanson stood up and said, "What the swan are do you guys do in math class?! You're supposed to be swanning numbers, not talking about Swans!"
And this, Ron Swanson, is why no lady swans have replied to your swan dating profile. Oh, yes. I just went there.
Why the swan did I make this?!
Where I See Myself in 10 Years
Where do I see myself in 10 years? That is a tough question, I'm going to be honest with you. In 10 years I'll be about 24 years old. That means I'll be in college. I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. Part of me wants to be a lawyer. Another part wants to be an actress. A huge part of me wants to be an author. At this moment, I have no idea which career path I will choose, if it's even going to be one of these options!
Other than a job, I have other things I want to accomplish with my life. In 10 years I hope that I'll be able to beat my anorexia and depression. I want to hopefully be on a different medication if I can't be rid off it. I want to bee able to wake up each day and have the motivation to be happy. That would be a miracle in itself. It' more than I could ever ask for. More importantly, I want to officially be recovered from my anorexia. Right now, I'm learning to love my body. In 10 years I never want to worry about if I should be eating. Honestly, I'm worried for my adult self. I'll be in control of my eating and I hope I'll have the power in myself to eat. I want to eat without cringing at each bite, feeling guilty as I swallow my food, and crying after finishing my meal. I hope for my cousins to look up to me and see me as a symbol of hope. I was able to defeat depression and anorexia and I'm succeeding at life. That would be perfect.
On a less depressing note, in 10 years I hopefully see myself being fluent in English, German, Spanish, ad sign language. English is my first language, so I got that down pat. I am currently learning Spanish and I want to go learn abroad. Once I master Spanish I plan on learning German. At the moment, I am teaching myself American Sign Language. So far, I can hold basic conversations, it's not that great though. That reminds me, I need to learn how to read Braille!
Hopefully, in 10 years I will have a good job, I'll be happy, and have a significant life. All I want is to be useful. Whether it's by a little or a lot. I just want to make everyone happy, even if it can't be myself.
Other than a job, I have other things I want to accomplish with my life. In 10 years I hope that I'll be able to beat my anorexia and depression. I want to hopefully be on a different medication if I can't be rid off it. I want to bee able to wake up each day and have the motivation to be happy. That would be a miracle in itself. It' more than I could ever ask for. More importantly, I want to officially be recovered from my anorexia. Right now, I'm learning to love my body. In 10 years I never want to worry about if I should be eating. Honestly, I'm worried for my adult self. I'll be in control of my eating and I hope I'll have the power in myself to eat. I want to eat without cringing at each bite, feeling guilty as I swallow my food, and crying after finishing my meal. I hope for my cousins to look up to me and see me as a symbol of hope. I was able to defeat depression and anorexia and I'm succeeding at life. That would be perfect.
On a less depressing note, in 10 years I hopefully see myself being fluent in English, German, Spanish, ad sign language. English is my first language, so I got that down pat. I am currently learning Spanish and I want to go learn abroad. Once I master Spanish I plan on learning German. At the moment, I am teaching myself American Sign Language. So far, I can hold basic conversations, it's not that great though. That reminds me, I need to learn how to read Braille!
Hopefully, in 10 years I will have a good job, I'll be happy, and have a significant life. All I want is to be useful. Whether it's by a little or a lot. I just want to make everyone happy, even if it can't be myself.
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