We Don't Learn Math In Math Class 3

Ron Swanson was swanning around on his swan while swanning the swanning of swan. Ron Swanson wanted to sue someone. But who to sue? Sure, here in 2016 people will sue each other for almost anything. But what would Ron Swanson sue for? This swan was swannier than me? That swan swanned? No. He'll lose before the case before the judge even swan it!
Sighing, Ron Swanson looked through his Swan school yearbook. He originally swanned for it to be a swan hit list for when he was a senior swan so he would be the oldest living swan of his year. Now, of course, manslaughter is illegal, and I am currently questioning my sanity, but who cares?! This is We Don't Learn Math In Math Class!
In defeat, Ron Swanson swanned over to the fridge and swanned out a carton of Swanny Road ice cream. He sat in front of his small television, ready to Netflix and Chill. Ron put on his favorite swan, Mean Swans. 
"That's it! The Swan Book! I'll pull a Regina Swan on the first person I see and sue them! This is best idea I've ever swanned!" Ron Swanson swanned swannily. 
Ron Swanson got to work, writing a bunch of swan stuff about all the characters from Swan Girls and, of course, himself. Ron knew just who to blame. Swan "The Swan" Swanson. He had a better beak than Ron Swanson. 
Ron Swanson finally finished and hopped into his Swan car. He speedily drove over to the police station and rushed right in. Ron Swanson threw himself onto the desk, book in hand, and wailed, "Oh, you wouldn't believe what horrid stuff was written about me in this!"
The police officer gave Ron Swanson a wary look and slowly opened the book..

To Be Continued