What I Mant Not Want for Melissamas

What I want for Christmas is very simple. I only want a few things.  I would like a black skater skirt, a round pair of glasses, -50lbs, and a smoking hot guy under my Christmas tree. Money is also appreciated.

To sway you into buying me this gifts, I have come up with a list as to why you should get me all these items.

1. I don't do drugs.
2. How am I supposed to be fashionable if I don't have a black skirt? Do you know how many more outfits I could create with an ebony, cough cough give me extra credit for using an old vocab word, skirt! It'd be glorious..
3. Imagine how cute I would look with a round pair of glasses. Just imagine that. Imagine. Now buy me them please. Please.
4. I have gained so much weight, plus I'm about to double in size because it's not bikini season, and it's an unspoken rule to get fat over the holidays. Just cut my body weight in half, thanks.
5. I honestly don't know. I'm very lonely and sleep deprived. Someone please love me.

Have a merry Christmas and don't forget to splurge all your money on me!

My Mame Not Name

My family comes of Greek decent, and we are proud of that. My grandfather threatened to disown his unborn grandchildren if their names did not have a Greek background. So I am his little bee. Honey bee. They say I bring health and happiness. I'd like to believe that. But backwards I sound like asylum, which is where people think I need to go. But an asylum protects us, you just don't approve of what is inside. This bee is Melissa. Melissa. Plain, old Melissa. Melissa is too long. Melissa is too confusing. Anyone can say it but never spell it. There is nothing special about it. I was named after no one, I have no story. But that's just what I needed. I have no story. I'm an empty book. Empty pages. I can write my own story. Why? I am Melissa. I am my own person. I have my own name. I am proud of it, and I'd never change it for anything in the world.

Mool Job, Not School Job

If I were to work in a school K-12, I believe that I'd make a good language teacher for middle schoolers. As a middle schooler myself, I know how to handle the students and understand them more so than others.
I would probably want to teach ASL (American Sign Language). I am currently teaching it to myself now and am finding it very fun. I believe that with my teaching abilities and the overall fun of signing, students would enjoy my class.
I want to teach ASL because it's fun, it's handy, and you can do a lot with this knowledge. Signing is very fun, and if you know how to sign, you can make big bucks.
I love taking charge and teaching (Well, that is when people listen..). I think I'd be a fun teacher too because I love to provide others with entertainment and pleasure. When you can add learning to that, you're basically set as a teacher (Of course, only if your students actually learn anything.)
In conclusion, I would want to teach American Sign Language to 8th or 7th graders, maybe even high-schoolers, and have fun doing it!

A Single Tear Hits the Hardwood Floor, Flooding theRoom With Sadness

A year ago today I was sent to the mental hospital. I don't know how to react. Good day, everyone.

My Matitude, Not Gratitude, for Manksgiving, Not Thanksgiving

Most people would probably guess that I am ungrateful considering I am a spoiled millennial. Well, please venture into the world of words and try not to get lost in the sauce literature before you.

The roar of my stomach has been ceased yet again, slayed by the hunters we call food. My gratitude goes forward to all the farmers out their who grow their crops, stores that sell the wonderful nourishment, and my parents for being so gracious as to feed me each and every day.

The echoing footsteps of the doctors, nurses, and therapists that nursed me back to health fill my ears. My thankfulness goes out to all the wonderful saints that saved me from death's hand, and brought me back to serenity. My mind may not fully be vanquished of the malice, but I am in a much better place than year(s) ago.

The whirring of a blow dryer and the heat of the dryer bless my face. My heart goes out in gratitude and thankfulness to the lovely Nadine, who has cut, buzzed, snipped, and dye at this rat's nest a call a head of hair. She has defined my persona, and I cannot begin to thank her.

Melanie Martinez's voice spins around and around like a carousel, her voice gracing our ears like a songbird straight from the heavens themselves. I have never ending thankfulness for music, specifically, Melanie Martinez's music. Sometimes notes and chords can fill a void that other things can't.

The overheating of my phone alerts me that my antisocial social life must take a quick pause, for I, sadly, cannot ide on my phone forever. I have never been more thankful for my internet friends, They have helped me through tough times and have filled the empty void where my heart should be.

Children's laughter fills the air, their screams of joy frolicking among the sky. I am thankful that in this dreary world we always have something to make us laugh. Laughter can brighten up a stormy day, it's truly one of God's greatest gifts.

A real family is like a bear den. You have mama bear, the cubs, and the protective, unwavering bond of a family. I don't know where I'd be without my lovely family, but I'm glad I have them.

Of course, how can one make a post such as this without mentioning their best friend? Acacia is the highlight of my life. She makes getting up everyday worth it. Acacia has pushed me, supported me, and has stood by me through so much. I couldn't imagine a life without her.

As we are coming to end of my gratitude list, I have to say, I am pretty tired. I am so grateful to have a bed to sleep and a roof over my head. It's the little things in life that count.

You have no idea how much I love the teachers at my school. Their unwavering support and willingness to teach me has only made me a better person. I strive to be just like them one day.

Sadly, my little list is over. I would like to end it on a sweet note, so here I go. The last thing I am grateful for is my life. I was chosen out of a million eggs; I made it into the top 5. My mom could have just settled for one child, but no. My mother decided she wanted twins, and that's what she got. I am so thankful to be hereon this Earth today because in the end, no matter how suicidal I feel, life is a gift.

A Mood Not Food Post

We were asked, what did we eat for breakfast today? The rumbling in my tummy should give you an answer. The roar in my stomach demanded what we write if we didn't eat anything. Oh, alas, another easy writing assignment.
I did not eat breakfast. I do not like eating. I hate it. Eating makes me feel like I've sinned. Each bite is pure agony. Eat chewing motion is like I'm being punched and slapped. Eat swallow of chewed up mush can be considered equivalent to failing myself. Eating is my downfall.
Was I hungry? Very. Did I mind the feeling? I loved it. Did the growling of my stomach sadden me? More like elate me. Feeling hungry is a comfort for me, it makes me feel stronger.
You're probably wondering why I didn't eat. Not only does eating upset me, it's the one thing I have control of in my life. When I'm stressed I result to not eating. When I'm depressed I result to not eating. When I'm feeling anything negative I result to not eating. Another topic was what our comfort food was. My comfort food is no food. Being without food makes me feel better.
I do not like this blog post. In fact, I hate it. I hate talking about food. I hate talking about my eating unless I feel the need to vent about it. Food is not my friend. I am very sorry, Mrs. Joyner, if this did not fit your needs, but this is the best I can give.
Right now is a really tough time in my life, especially with my eating. I have been eating regularly once again, for those who care, except for the moment. I am working through this.

If any of you relate to any part of this please see someone. Stay safe.

Now, I shall dread the whispers that shall crawl behind me. Have a great day!

We Don't Do Math In Math Class 3 part 2

What kind of bologna is this?!" cried the officer. He flipped page after page, seeing basically an exact replica of the Burn Book from Swan Girls. 
"Oh, officer! That mean, mean man over there wrote this book, I saw him do it!" Ron Swanson wailed, rolling himself onto the officer's desk and pointing at Swan "The Swan" Swanson. The officer guffawed at the sight and pushed Ron Swanson off his desk. "You're swansane!" swanned the officer. "Swan "The Swan" Swanson isn't the culprit! He's been by my side ever since we got married last June!"
Ron Swanson fell to the floor. "Swan "The Swan" Swanson is a swansexual? This so going ton my blog," Ron Swanson swanned. "Yeah, yeah," grunted the officer as he swancuffed Ron Swanson. "You're going in the swanhouse for now.."

We Don't Learn Math In Math Class 3

Ron Swanson was swanning around on his swan while swanning the swanning of swan. Ron Swanson wanted to sue someone. But who to sue? Sure, here in 2016 people will sue each other for almost anything. But what would Ron Swanson sue for? This swan was swannier than me? That swan swanned? No. He'll lose before the case before the judge even swan it!
Sighing, Ron Swanson looked through his Swan school yearbook. He originally swanned for it to be a swan hit list for when he was a senior swan so he would be the oldest living swan of his year. Now, of course, manslaughter is illegal, and I am currently questioning my sanity, but who cares?! This is We Don't Learn Math In Math Class!
In defeat, Ron Swanson swanned over to the fridge and swanned out a carton of Swanny Road ice cream. He sat in front of his small television, ready to Netflix and Chill. Ron put on his favorite swan, Mean Swans. 
"That's it! The Swan Book! I'll pull a Regina Swan on the first person I see and sue them! This is best idea I've ever swanned!" Ron Swanson swanned swannily. 
Ron Swanson got to work, writing a bunch of swan stuff about all the characters from Swan Girls and, of course, himself. Ron knew just who to blame. Swan "The Swan" Swanson. He had a better beak than Ron Swanson. 
Ron Swanson finally finished and hopped into his Swan car. He speedily drove over to the police station and rushed right in. Ron Swanson threw himself onto the desk, book in hand, and wailed, "Oh, you wouldn't believe what horrid stuff was written about me in this!"
The police officer gave Ron Swanson a wary look and slowly opened the book..

To Be Continued

Mestions Not Questions

Do blobfish love?

What is a blobfish's favorite food?

Do blobfish have feelings?

Are blobfish loyal?

Do blobfish ever file divorces?

Do blobfish know how to dance?

Do blobfish ever wish they had a mustache?

These are the questions I asked my doctor to stall him from giving me my flu shot.

But now, I'm curious..

Mitches Not Stitches

A very lovely teacher of mine had us write a mini auto-biography. In mine, she commented that I should expand on why "Stitches" by Shawn Mendes is such an important song to me. Yes, believe it or not, I, Melissa, the scene queen emo thing, loves Shawn Mendes. 
Before you go and make assumptions, the meaning of the song has nothing to do with it's importance with me. I did not have a boyfriend that left me and made me so heartbroken I related to a song. Now, I'm about to get really deep, and possibly triggering

Triggering Content Up Ahead

I have depression and anorexia. I am comfortable talking about this and almost show it with pride to show how far I've come. Well, on November 20, 2015 I was hospitalized into a mental hospital. Yes, ha-ha, I'm insane. I would prefer to not have a repeat of those rumors going around. Anyway, I was there for my suicidal tendencies and refusal to eat. My entire stay I ate next to nothing and constantly had suicidal thoughts. You're probably wondering how Stitches got jumbled up into this mess. 

During that time Stitches was on the radio a lot. I sang along every time and loved that song to death. While I was on my way to be evaluated the last song I heard was Stitches. It was stuck in my head. And during each grueling moment of therapy and coaxing me to eat that song never left my head. It never went away. I think it was also destiny that this song came into my life because when I was discharged on November 26, 2015 the first song that came on was Stitches.
I don't know what it is about the song, but whenever I hear I can't help but feel stronger. Stitches has made a big impact about my life, and I am thankful for it.

We Don't Learn Math In Math Class 2

Welcome back to another episode of We Don't Learn Math In Math Class! We left off with Ron Swanson being a lonely bum because he can't get a girlfriend.


Ron Swanson could be seen swanning around is his small abode. Ron Swanson wasn't a happy swan. No one has commented on his Swander profile! He had a revealing profile pic and everything, let's just say his tail feathers are quite.. winky face. Why did no swan want to love him? He was a good swan. Well, most of the time.
In an act of defeat Ron Swanson checked his profile one last time. Gasp! What's this? A lady swan has replied to his Swander profile! She wants to go swanning at 7! Ron checked the clock, realizing he only had 30 minutes, he raced to get ready.
Ron Swanson was perched on the riverbed, waiting for swanny date. She arrived and Ron took a good look at her.She was just the average swan. A real plain Jane of the swan world.
"Well, hello. I'm Ron Swanson," Ron Swanson said gruffly. His date looked him in the eye and said monotonously, "I am Kitty Swan. The pleasure is all mine." An awkward silence filled the air. Neither swan knew what to say. Thankfully, a waiter came and placed their orders. Ron Swanson ordered a pot roast and Kitty Swan ordered asparagus. Just asparagus. Ron, what even is your love life anymore? A swan who orders just asparagus? This is sad, Ron, even for you.
Another painfully awkward silence filled the air. Come on, Ron! Your dating game is weak! I bet you my dead grandpa can run around the 3 times before you could ever get a girlfriend! Anyhow, their food arrived. They both ate in silence, but Ron decided their vow of silence was no longer! "Did you know that asparagus makes your urine smell?"
Kitty Swan looked him dead in the eye as she stood up, "Listen, I accidentally swiped right on you, so seeing how you probably haven't gone on a date in, like, 60 years I figured I'd be a nice person for once." Ron could feel his heart shatter in two. He knew from the moment he saw her that they were soulmates! "Oh, and one last thing," Kitty Swan slipped out of her swan costume t reveal her feline sef. "I'm a cat."
With that said she scampered away into the night as Ron Swanson watched The Swan is Right and ate Swanilla ice cream. Pssh, loser.

Happy Mirthday Not Birthday to Me!

There is nothing important nor significant about my blog post. I just felt like telling everyone that my birthday was the other day (10/16). Fun fact! I have the same birthday as my sister, wow, shocker, and my dad! That's all, have a good day!

Mittle Melissa Not Little Melissa

My favorite memory from when I was a child was how my very own sister forgot my name. Up until we were about five my dear, dear thithter (Don't mind that, just some little sister fun consisting of me making fun of my sister's newfound lisp due to her retainer) called me Sissy. 
While we were in preschool, "Melissa" was a name unknown to Zoey. She heard everyone call me it. She saw me right it down. There a million obvious signs that my name was Melissa. Yet somehow, Zoey did not know tat I was named Melissa. 
She called me Sissy because I am her sister. Whenever someone else called me "Sissy" Zoey blew up at them. Only Zoey could call me Sissy, anyone else was due for a death by toddler. 
This was my favorite memory because to me, it's like a little inside joke between me and Zoey. It was our thing and no one else's. No one could break this bond between us. I hope we never, ever drift apart, but if we ever do we will always have Sissy. That is something we'll forever hold.

A Poem for My Blog Buddy, Sumar

Blog Buddy,
Oh, Blog Buddy.
Where are thou Blog Buddy?

Ahem, now let me translate to 2016 talk


AYE YO BLOG BUDDY,
IS YOU DEAD?



**Yes, I am ashamed of this post and this century.**

We Don't Learn Math In Math Class

Ron Swanson with his swan beak could be seen watching The Swan is Right while making a Swander account. Ron Swanson was a very lonely swan. He swanned his days making accounts on Swander, Swan.com, Swan People Meet, Swan Mingle, and so on. Ron Swanson just wanted another swan to swan with. Why, oh, why. Poor Ron Swanson with his swan beak, watching The Swan is Right, and making a Swander profile.
With a big, swan breath, Ron Swanson stood up and said, "What the swan are do you guys do in math class?! You're supposed to be swanning numbers, not talking about Swans!"

And this, Ron Swanson, is why no lady swans have replied to your swan dating profile. Oh, yes. I just went there.

Why the swan did I make this?!

Where I See Myself in 10 Years

Where do I see myself in 10 years? That is a tough question, I'm going to be honest with you. In 10 years I'll be about 24 years old. That means I'll be in college. I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up. Part of me wants to be a lawyer. Another part wants to be an actress. A huge part of me wants to be an author. At this moment, I have no idea which career path I will choose, if it's even going to be one of these options! 
Other than a job, I have other things I want to accomplish with my life. In 10 years I hope that I'll be able to beat my anorexia and depression. I want to hopefully be on a different medication if I can't be rid off it. I want to bee able to wake up each day and have the motivation to be happy. That would be a miracle in itself. It' more than I could ever ask for. More importantly, I want to officially be recovered from my anorexia. Right now, I'm learning to love my body. In 10 years I never want to worry about if I should be eating. Honestly, I'm worried for my adult self. I'll be in control of my eating and I hope I'll have the power in myself to eat. I want to eat without cringing at each bite, feeling guilty as I swallow my food, and crying after finishing my meal. I hope for my cousins to look up to me and see me as a symbol of hope. I was able to defeat depression and anorexia and I'm succeeding at life. That would be perfect.
On a less depressing note, in 10 years I hopefully see myself being fluent in English, German, Spanish, ad sign language. English is my first language, so I got that down pat. I am currently learning Spanish and I want to go learn abroad. Once I master Spanish I plan on learning German. At the moment, I am teaching myself American Sign Language. So far, I can hold basic conversations, it's not that great though. That reminds me, I need to learn how to read Braille!
Hopefully, in 10 years I will have a good job, I'll be happy, and have a significant life. All I want is to be useful. Whether it's by a little or a lot. I just want to make everyone happy, even if it can't be myself.

If You Get What I Just Did, I Love You

A blog post

A Mrip Not Trip

My, my, my... I've only gone on a few trips, so I don't have much to choose from. I believe you will all enjoy the story of Larry. If I remember correctly, I was 10 years old, and we were going on a road trip to South Dakota. It was a beautiful trip, I'd recommend you go. 
While we were there we met Larry, saw Mt. Rushmore, viewed Crazy Horse, and hiked around Devil's Tower. I don't remember much about Crazy Horse. All I can see is a fuzzy picture of a museum about Crazy Horse. My father and I love museums, we always have to run and catch up to mom and Zoey because we like reading and analyzing everything. What I can remember is that Crazy Horse won't be fully done for a long, long time because the use of dynamite was denied. The architects wanted it to be built by hand, not man-made. 
I don't remember much from Mt. Rushmore either. I do remember seeing the monument and taking a picture with it. When we got back to the hotel I replaced the president's faces with my family's faces. I believe there was a tall man in a black top hat there too. Also something about a penny? I might just have to go back to remember it all. Road trip anyone?
Devil's Tower was my favorite part about the trip. If you know me you know me, I love hiking in the outdoors. We circled the tower and ha d a fun tie doing so. Well, everyone except Zoey. She hates moving. But my mother did buy us walking sticks! Zoey used hers to help her walk because apparently moving your legs and feet is "too much work." I used mine to battle off snakes. Well, I never REALLY battled any snakes, but there were signs saying there were poisonous snakes, and I was ready to fight them. I ain't afraid of no snake! It was a truly beautiful walk though and I would recommend you doing so if you enjoy hiking. One day I want to go back and actually scale Devil's Tower!
Now, here is the part you've been waiting for. I apologize for the vagueness of the other monuments, those didn't really stick with me. What did stick with me was meeting Larry. We were driving down a road. A few miles ahead there was a herd of buffalo that were blocking the rode. My mom enjoyed this very much, she loves buffalo. A few even came next to our car! Besides the Buffalo backup there was a mini car crash beyond that, so we'd be here awhile. I was adorning my new red cowgirl boots. I wore those until I couldn't mash my toes in them anymore. The road was also an animal sanctuary. They had lots of black tailed prairie dogs. Where we were stopped there was a little family of black tailed prairie dogs. Everyone was cooing and obsessing over how cute they were. I had one prairie dog on my mind. 
He was perfect. Tall. Handsome. Not to muscular. Looks great for cuddling. Black tail. Beady yet adorable eyes. Ahhhh. Larry. One specific prairie dog who now goes by the name of Larry started scampering up to me.

He got closer..

And closer..

And closer...

Until he was within mere inches of me! I was so excited that an animal had chosen me. I was chosen! By an animal! Larry looked at me and it appeared a if he was trying to relay a message to me with his eyes. I knelt down by him, looked him in his big, glossy eye, and said, "Hello. Your name is Larry. Larry, strike a pose." And to my astonishment he did! He struck a pose! Whenever I said, "Larry, strike a pose!" He would freeze in a certain position. The best part was, was that there were other tourists. They tried saying it, and what did Larry do? Nothing. He only responded to me. Larry was like my little best friend, and saying goodbye was hard. I wonder if I were to go back if he'd remember me. I guess that only means one thing..

Mrip not trip to South Dakota part 2, anyone?!

Show Review - Hellevator

Being the normal teenager that I am, I am spending valuable time meant for sleeping at 11:07 PM watching Netflix. My friend recommended me to watch the show Hellevator. Considering it's so late and I'm not the least bit tired I figured I'll do a show review for you.
In this show there are three contestants who have to do timed challenges based off of murders/murderers. Horrific, I know, but what else am I supposed to do in the middle of night.. all alone..in the dark.. with a dead phone..? Yikes. While the people are completing challenges there may be characters that have to do with the murder running around with a chainsaw. Scared for your safety? Don't be! All these people are paid actors and are NOT allowed to touch you. Anyways, after every contestant has left the Helevator, whether they return or not, the remaining victors must go into the Labyrinth. If they succeed they get more prize money and yadda yadda yadda. The show is run by two creepy twins who honestly just upset me for no reason at all. They are quite rude though and their commentary is annoying.
Would I go into the Helevator? Honestly, yes. I would take Acacia and Zoey with me. I am not sadistic at all, nor do I think murder is a joke, but I love reading scary stories, reading about murderers, and watching documentaries. I repeat, I am not sadistic. I enjoy the mystery aspect of it all. I feel like we would all enjoy ourselves in the end, but would need a new change of pants before then. It seems like it'll give us a good thrill and help us conquer some fears.
Overall, I believe Hellevator is a good show. I would not recommend it if you can't handle gore or get scared easily. This show is provides a great way to get your heart rate up. Though, something about this show makes me want to stop watching it, but I just can't stop.


**Please don't judge me for enjoying television such as this. I understand if you may not like it, but I enjoy the supernatural and the mystery of it all.

A Poem

Cheetos

Hot Cheetos

Oh, so hot

You make me sweat

You make my mouth burn

Cheetos

Hot Cheetos

You're making me fatter

#r00d

Melissa's Motes Not Quotes

Here you find some of my favorite quotes, enjoy! 

~~~~~~~~

"It's such a waste, when little girls grow into their mother's face. But little girls are  learning how to cut and paste, and pucker up their lips until they suffocate."

-Melanie Martinez ~Mrs. Potatohead~

"If you need a little more confidence, potatoes turn to french fries. Yeah, it's common sense. All you need is a little more condiments."

-Melanie Martinez ~Mrs. Potatohead~

"Ever since happiness heard your name, it has been running through the streets trying to find you."

-Hafiz

"Destroy what destroys you."

-Unknown

~~~~~~~~~

I chose all these quotes for a reason. The ones by Melanie Martinez remind me that I don't have to fit society's standards of beauty to be beautiful. I am stunning in my own way, I need to remember and believe that.

I chose the quote by Hafiz for a very important reason. This quote means a lot to me and holds a very special place in my heart. When I was in the hospital the first day I was there we had to cut up quotes that we thought were nice and put them somewhere where we will always see them. I chose that quote because it sparked a smile inside me and will forever keep that spark burning.

The final quote I chose was, "Destroy what destroys you." My parents constantly tell me to do that. I need to destroy my horrid body image and realize I'm beautiful. Everyone has something they need to destroy, here is your reminder. You and I are strong, we can destroy anything that tries holding us back no matter what the circumstance may be.

**Leave a comment saying if you want weekly quotes or something of the sort!